Duke Nukem Forever Review

"It's Duke Nukem. What do you expect?"

So, I finally got around to playing Duke Nukem Forever. I was warned away from it by a number of people, and I listened to them and never played it. I saw a few YouTube videos of Duke throwing poop around a bathroom while Jon St. John cried out "what kinda suck fuck plays with wet feces" in protest, and that's all I cared about. "That's Duke Nukem for ya." Childish and stupid.

But I was at GameStop the other day, and I found a used copy for the XBOX 360 sitting in their 'under $10 bin.' They were asking for $3.99, or $3.59 with my discount. How could I pass this up? Even if the game is bad, four bucks is a great deal. Honestly, it can't be as good as the copy of Dragon Age: Origins I got from there for about a dollar more a few weeks ago, but I'd have paid full price for that game and loved it. Duke? Not so much.

So, what did I think about it? I thought it was Duke Nukem. That's all that matters to me with a Duke Nukem game. Is it childish, misogynistic, loud, stupid, over the top macho fantasy BS with tongue planted firmly in cheek the entire time? If the answer is yes, then the game has succeeded in capturing the spirit of Duke Nukem. Anything else is sort of secondary.

The gameplay is that of an average first person shooter. It's nothing special in that regard. Which is a shame, because after twelve years, they could have at least made good gameplay. Or failing that, cut down on the load times from hell that this game suffers from. The loading is Sonic 06 bad. But that's the only comparison I'd give it with that abomination.

Any complaints about it being an average game are legitimate. But to complain about how it's stuck in the mid to late nineties like many gamers and critics have is really missing the point of what Duke Nukem is. It's Duke Nukem. What do you expect? That's my only defense for the game. And I don't think it needs to be defended. If you're looking for Duke Nukem, this game delivers. It's a guilty pleasure all around. If you want a good game, play Duke Nukem 3D. If you've never played that, find the time for it, because it's a very good game, stupid or not. But if you want to play something stupid and offensive and have a good laugh at some horrible one liners stolen from Bruce Campbell, Duke Nukem Forever will do the trick very nicely.

And yes, I spent the first fifteen minutes with the game throwing poop around a bathroom and making Duke urinate in every urinal and toilet. But let's be honest, who didn't?

Hail to the king, baby.